October 17th 2012

Today I

Did dishes
Took out recycling
Got a text from B
Met Rachel for coffee to gush
Got a ride downtown with Ma
Met up with Mark to shop at Kind Exchange
Walked around Queen
Got a tank top and shirt for Halloween costume at H&M
Had a beer at Java House, then one at Do Right Inn
Took the streetcar slash subway home
Fretted about my date tomorrow with B
Walked dogs a couple times
Came up with more Christmas present ideas
Watched some good tv, and some bad tv
Fretted about if this business with B is really a good idea
Went to bed later than I planned

xo


Elizabeth

October 16th 2012

If we start the clock at 12 midnight..

Drank to Aislings birthday at Mugshots

Smoked too much

Made out like crazy with a tall handsome boy who's name starts with B

Freaked out B's roomies girlfriend

Watched too many episodes of Justified

Slept

Ate a calzone

Slept more

xo

October 15th 2012

Today I

Slept in
Fed dogs
Opened cafe
Walked back to walk dogs
Updated cafe website
Requested credits and invoice from onfc
Did inventory and onfc order
Wrote onfc cheque
Tweeted and updated FB with soup contest
Paid off cafe credit card
Spoke to accountant
Spoke to gov re late tax filing
Scanned and emailed sept. coffee passport redemptions
Emailed artist re murals
Emailed mercury re credit card processing
Emailed green earth re credits
Vacuumed and washed floors
Did laundry, folded and put away
Did all dishes and cleaned kitchen
Took out garbage and recycling
Dusted and tidied rest of apartment
Walked into Bloor W Village
Deposited pay
Picked up birthday gift for Aisling
Picked up vodka
Found and cleaned two giant mason jars in basement of apartment
Found blown off flowers near front door, new flower arrangement in apartment
Updated cafe ipod
Made lunch

This afternoon / evening I will -
Shower
Prep baked goods
Work until close
Feed and walk dogs
Entertain for Aislings birthday
Go out for a couple drinks
Probably get to bed late

Feeling accomplished today. Wish I could bottle some of this motivation to use at a later date when I really need it and just aren't feeling it.

xo

Daily Have-Done List - Sept 27th 2012

So I've decided to keep this blog as a daily list of my accomplishments, because I often feel like I'm falling behind, never getting anything done, etc. When I look back I usually have had a pretty full day, so I'm hoping this will help with my mood when I get into a helpless funk kind of vibe.

Thursday Sept. 27th 2012

Today I-

Dealt with a sick dog
Did laundry and cleaned up poop
Made banana chocolate chip loaf and muffins
Made bad meringues
Met with a charity to donate to from cafe
Paid the gov hst
Wrote two business cheques
Didn't strangle Tiffany for verbing nouns

Will hopefully do dishes and tidy apartment.

xo

On queue - the 4 o'clock water works.

I can't be strong for everyone all the time, anymore.
I don't know what broke in me, but all of a sudden it's too much.
I can't take it anymore.
This is what long, torturous heartbreak feels like.

What's Up With That?

I'm trying very, very hard to make myself aware of these judgements I pass on people, that propagate opinions I form without fully realizing it.

These pre-conceived notions that someone may not be completely honest with me, which taint how I see and feel about them.

Hey self, what's up with that? I don't appreciate spending my time second guessing someone's motives. Or how they feel about me.
And I'd like to appreciate the time I spend with them without having that niggling feeling in the back of my brain.

Ugh. Today can just go fuck itself.

Girl Boners.

The only celebrity I've been compared to in my life has been Maggie Gyllenhaal.
The first time was in a Winners, while I was waiting in line far too long for a pair of shoes (I didn't even wear them that often, come to think of it) - and the lady was almost certain I was actually her, at first.
I had no idea who she was.

Since I was 22 or 23 and had gotten to that age without ever once being compared to someone famous, I naturally looked her up when I got home.
I was stoked. She's gorgeous.

I've since grown to have a permanent girl boner for her - have you seen Secretary? Or Stranger Than Fiction? (If you haven't - stop what you're doing now and go watch them.)

Seriously, amirite?
I don't really think I look much like her, but it's been four times I've been told I have, so I take the compliment and continue to be amazed.

THIS GIRL! I GET COMPARED TO THIS GIRL! SHE'S SOFA KING ADORABLE!

All this just to say - I've been feeling a lot better about myself lately. Like I'm more comfortable in my own skin, and not just the physical skin. Sure my inner critic can be noisy, but I'm getting much better at telling her to go pound sand.

Maybe it's because I'm finally feeling like I'm where I want to be, at this point in my life? I couldn't have guessed it would take heartbreak (getting better on that front) and going completely broke (also ameliorating slightly) - but it must have something to do with it.

I don't daydream of being someone else, or living another life while I shower. Random people as well as close friends tell me I look happier, and smile more.
(And yes, while showering is usually when I daydream the most about weird shit.)

I'm just going to go with it, and not over-analyze it too much - if it ain't broke, why fix it - right?